Testimony Of Healing
God is good, yes? I want to share with you how good God has been to me – I want to encourage you and hopefully speak into your heart.
"Encourage one another and build each other up…” 1 Thessalonians 5:11. So let me give you my story.
I married at a time when I wasn't walking with the Lord - I believed, but I wasn't living it. My husband was not a Christian. We were married for ten years , had 4 children and just after our 10th anniversary it came to an end. It was an unhappy, pain-filled marriage to say the least. The break up was even worse! Lots happened that took a very long time to recover from. In short he caused me a lot of pain. When he left I was faced with the immense challenge of bringing up 4 children alone, juggling bills, work, the home and occasionally course work too. It was hard! Still is! But God is good! He kept us going. He blessed us spiritually and we became closer to him as a family. But you know it was difficult! 2 of my children had speech difficulties, one had stomach problems and another had abdominal migraines, caused by anxiety; there were days and weeks on end where he just threw up non-stop! He missed a lot of school and of course I was still trying to juggle work and now his illness.
There came a time when I was living in constant pain, which I was eventually informed was probably due to Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrom (they are very similar). I couldn't sleep because the pain in my body was so bad, I would have to crawl up the stairs because I couldn't walk up them, I constantly felt sick, drained and exhausted. I couldn't stand for too long or walk my dog. I was miserable! It was my lowest point.
Then 2 important things happened - well lots happened! But 2 main things in regards to this particular testimony! Firstly I met up with a lovely lady called Muriel. She introduced me to declaring and decreeing. She told me to thank God every day for my healing as if I was already healed, to claim it in faith! Isaiah 53:5 declares, “…by His wounds we are healed.” So I started to do that every morning - "thank you Lord that I am healed." even when it was painful getting up - " …by his wounds I am healed! I claim my healing. "In the Lord’s Prayer we pray, “Your kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Yes? Well is there sickness in heaven? No. Now I know we live in a world where the reality is there is sickness and sometimes God chooses not to heal, I don’t know why, but I do trust that He knows best. But in this case I felt strongly God wanted me to have faith for my healing and to show His glory in it.
Then I got together with another friend of mine called Bex. We were sat in my garden and she was speaking about judgements, how when we judge others it negatively affects ourselves. And as she spoke I had a light bulb moment! I realised that I was still holding onto a lot of judgements concerning my ex-husband. I had thought I'd forgiven, let go and moved on, but as Bex was talking God showed me judgements that I was holding on to. She advised me not to dig for them, that God would show me. Which he did over the following days and weeks, maybe 5 at a time he revealed judgements to me that I needed to let go of, forgive and release. Some were easier than others! But you know Matthew 6:15 says, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive your sins.” Wow, scary right? I don’t know about you but I don’t want my sins hanging onto me. The Lord’s prayer says “…forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” As we HAVE - past tense, not forgive us and then I might forgive others, God wants us to forgive others so we can be forgiven. Jesus then goes on to say in Matt 6:14, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you.”
Now it’s not easy I know. The hardest ones to forgive were the ones concerning my children - if someone hurts someone you love! Boy is that hard to let go of! And I realised I was holding him accountable for not only what he had done within our marriage but also for all the hardships that came after! I really needed Holy Spirits help! So, together Holy Spirit and I worked through it. But let me tell you, as He started to open my eyes and help me to see him through God's eyes - just a lost, damaged, hurting soul stumbling, blindly through life because he doesn't have the light of Jesus to guide him, when I truly understood where he is heading if I didn't show him the truth of Christ's love - then it became much easier to forgive, release and let go! And to love him! You can't do that without Holy Spirit! Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” And Eph 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” As I went through this process Holy Spirit showed me other people I needed to release and forgive too. It's not a quick process! I'm still working through it. But it is worth it.
Day by day, Holy Spirit would reveal them; I'd go into my room, "(name of person) I have judged you for.... I forgive you, I release you from this judgement and I break agreement with it. I cancel the debt that you owe me; Jesus has paid your debt" - Now this next bit is the important bit that we forget about because we are so hung up on what they’ve done to us - "Lord forgive me that I judged him in this way". We’ve sinned by holding onto that judgement. I also would declare scriptural truths over it, so when I judged him for abandoning us I would say God is our provider, He is our refuge, He will never leave us or forsake us.
As I did this over and over - and believe me it takes time - we're not just talking about the old judgements here, there are brand new ones every day! As I did this, God started to heal my body. First I was able to walk for longer periods of time; I had more pain-free days. Eventually I was able to dance at church! Now I can't keep still!!! And then I managed to climb to the top of Robins wood Hill! I can now say it has been a couple of years since I was in pain. I still get tired, but it's now the normal, working mum of four, tiredness!
You see when we judge others and leave it undealt with it clings to us and it can literally make us ill. Un-forgiveness pollutes your heart and will develop into bitterness. Psalm 32:1-5, “Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.” Read psalm 38 too. I won’t put it in here but you can look that up, that’s your homework. Now don't get me wrong here! Hear me, not all illness is the result of judgements, we live in a fallen world! But it can result in that. Healing comes with forgiveness and actually blessings too! You might think "well they don't deserve forgiveness; you don't know what they've done!" Well maybe they don't, I felt the same once about my ex-husband, believe me! But who are we to judge what they deserve? Are we any better? In God's eyes isn't sin, sin? Don't we all fall short? Matt 7:1-2 says, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” We are all born into sin; it’s only by Grace - yes? The only difference between us and them is that our eyes have been opened to the truth and theirs hasn’t - yet (love that little word! Yet - it changes a sentence from something final to - "to be continued...")
Luke 6:37, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.” If left un-dealt with un-forgiveness will cling to you and pollute your relationship with Christ.
So this is important! Yes? This is biblical. We can't ignore it. It wasn’t a suggestion it is a clear command. If we judge - we will be judged! With the same measure that we use!! WOW. If we don't forgive - we won't be forgiven! I don't know about you but I don't want my mistakes clinging to me because I refused to forgive! I have struggled with this! But Holy Spirit brought me through it! And now, most of the time, when a judgment pops into my head - and I'm sorry to say it is still far too frequently! - I deal with it! And as you release and forgive you feel better! You feel freer and lighter! It's all good! Actually it can also take a good friend to say, “Hmm I wonder why you are reacting this way? Is there maybe un-forgiveness on your heart?" Sometimes we don’t realise it ourselves. So look out for those over-reactions.
If anyone knows they have un-forgiveness in their heart I urge you to ask Holy Spirit to help you forgive and release, if you need someone to stand with you in prayer, and sometimes we do, then please ask a trusted Christian friend. If you are not sure then ask Holy Spirit to reveal to you any judgements that you are holding on to.